SEAWEED PRETZEL!

2012-02-03T00:18:00.003+08:00

While swimming,

Me: I think you look handsomest when you are swimming!

ww: Haha. Why so random?

Me: Cos I just feel so...

Awkward quiet pause...............

ww: I think you look prettiest when you're happy

:')

2012-01-18T21:29:00.002+08:00

As time goes on, I feel like its alot harder to meet up with people. Everyone's so busy with work, school, army, but I guess it's ok! Cos no matter what, that close feeling still stays within our hearts, and we'll still be as close with each other. And I get to treasure every single meet up even more. :)

Random thought

2012-01-06T14:15:00.001+08:00

Haha was just thinking if someone were to tell me, "Eh you very boring eh"

Then I would respond, "Eh then you think you very interesting meh"

HAHAHhahhahh ok nvm random thought

2011

2011-12-30T21:34:00.002+08:00

Wow, hi guys!!! It's 30th dec already, which means, its the last day of the year tomorrow. I am so thankful to have kept a diary/organizer for 2011, it's been quite a year.

Internship to poly graduation to working at happy lemon and then to studying at SIM. I miss everything that happened and passed by so quickly, but its ok! I've jotted down incidents that were meant to be remembered and I still have them fresh in my head and heart.

And one memorable thing that happened in 2011, would have to be getting together with my best friend, WW. IM LUCKY TO BE IN LUUURVVVEE w ma best friend, lucky to have been where i have been lucky to be coooming home agaaain.

Happy to have Yuki, my ukelele too. Who knew me and tams would get the same ukelele, bought from the same shop and she named hers Lily!!!! Yuki Lily. Hehe.

A reminder to love myself more

2011-12-06T08:37:00.002+08:00

I'm creative

I'm good at designing stuff
I'm pretty artsy, I like art
I make the prettiest cards

I make good scrambled eggs

I'm awfully good at cheering people up
I give good hugs

I can make a lovely cup of coffee
I'm a good friend/girlfriend

I'm a good daughter/sister
I'm always there for people.
I don't stifle my feelings, I wear them on my sleeves

I radiate positivity and sunshine whenevr I'm happy

and I cry whenever I feel sad

I'm good at being myself.

2011-11-30T07:54:00.001+08:00

You know its true love when you can meet him in your pasar malam PJs and unkempt messy hair and still feel beautiful and cute.

2011-11-26T21:33:00.002+08:00

Things I wanna do after exams:

1) Get a haircut
2) Go to a park and skate on a sunny day!

3) Karaoke party :o)
4) Christmas parties!!!!!!!!!!!!
5) Make christmas cards for people who matter
6) Clean my room
7) Cook and bake!!
8) Learn to play 'bitter heart' on the guitar

9) Have a picnic
10) Buffets

2011-11-26T19:37:00.001+08:00

C'MON YOU CAN DO DIZZZ YANZZZZ O_______________O

2011-11-19T11:11:00.003+08:00

Looking at my senior's facebook makes me happy! Hes so gutsy. Totally abandoned his education for now and just did whatever he wanted to do, which is to be a great magician. Saw his photo albums filled with lots of strangers' happy faces, from the young to old. I remember how he started out approaching random strangers on the train and performing magic tricks and making their days. It's nice. :)

Sk8s

2011-11-16T20:08:00.003+08:00

WHOOO!! I bought skates! My first skating experience after 10 years was pretty exciting I must say. Getting through the rocky pavement downstairs my house and then up this slight slope to exit my condo was sure one mean feat.

The security guard uncles even helped me up the slope to the door there which I'm really grateful for, and then ZOOOM ZOOOOM ZOOOM PLOP! I fell again. Then this nice aunty got so shocked, she quickly lifted me up. So many nice people I met today!!!

Then impromptu meetup with saksa laksa! I was sooooo happpy to seeee her, even if it was just for awhile.. And then i met tamsicles for lunch today and we had ah balling in hot ginger soup in the cold weather. Twas nice.

I miss tons of people :/

The power of "I cannot"

2011-11-14T21:43:00.000+08:00

I can do this. I CAN DO THIS

2011-11-06T22:33:00.001+08:00

I want to stufff alll my insecurity and self consciousnesss in a bag and throw it alllllll away

Family dinner and random stuff

2011-11-05T20:33:00.002+08:00

I love today. Today's another great weekend! Poppy brought miko back home. My poppy loves that dog to death. Sometimes it can be really annoying to hear him talk about her allllll the time, but when I see him just playing with her and scratching her belly, his face just lights up. When poppy's happy, Im just as happy too. I love playing with miko too! Shes really one of the cutest wutest thing. But she can never be ours, since she's someone else's dog...

And poppy's first attempt at cooking nasi lemak!!!! Im glad I stayed at home dinner. I could see his enthusiasm and happiness when he knew that I was staying for dinner! It was sooo yummmy and filled with tons of love!!! The runny sunny side up, fishballlls, chicken wings, omg. IT WAS SO YUMMMY!!! I love family dinner to bits.

oh! me tams and leens went to this coooool flea market! and I bought my sister a dress and she was so happy!!! and the 3 of us bought the same lipbalm of the same shade!!! I made alot of people happy today, so yep, Im happy too :)

2011-10-30T22:11:00.002+08:00

Today I had period cramps and then I was like complaining to ww about it. And we were just talking on the phone, on and on and on and on and then he suddenly asked me to go look outside my door. It was him!!!!! He bought me tau huey, then we ate it downstairs, more like I ate it. And then we lived happily ever after :)

Hello!!

2011-10-16T11:31:00.002+08:00

Its been awhile since I blogged. I wonder if anyone is still reading here?

I had a really good weekend! I really did. Had my very very first candlelight dinner on Friday! I can't describe how beautiful and unforgettable that experience was. The food was lovely, company was lovely, ambiance was lovely. Everything was perfect. :) And then, I watched my bf march for his commissioning parade, and it was so awesome! :)

Great weekend. more great weekends to come!

2011-09-24T12:00:00.002+08:00

Looking at all the old photos on facebook, Im starting to miss everything! Miss jit dressing me up w random disgusting looking piece of clothing he took off from a clothes rack, miss sak's long short hair (srsly, one of her hottest hairstyle to date), and even miss...the old mad, even when I don't talk to her now.

2011-08-24T18:02:00.001+08:00

I AM SADDDD :(

2011-08-10T20:49:00.001+08:00

I need to get out of Singapore.

Poppy

2011-07-30T16:07:00.002+08:00

My poppy's the best!!!!!!! He always, always, give us the best things in the world. Like today, I wanted to eat duck rice, he bought me duck drumstick rice!! It was like, the best. And two days ago, I wanted to eat chicken rice, he bought me chicken drumstick rice!! It was like, the best too.

And then we decided to go swimming together on a hot saturday afternoon at 1.00pm. Poppy hasn't swam for a reealllllyyyyyyy long while cause he was afraid chlorine might aggravate his hair loss :( But he was like, "AIYA DONT CARE, LETS GO SWIMMING!"

And off we went to the pool. As we walked, he told me that he had this crazy idea of shaving his head bald if he were to lose more hair. I thought that was a brilliant idea!!! He would look like a handsome scary loanshark. I taught him how to do flutter kicks that bei taught me the other day to lose all the tummy fat and strengthen thigh muscles. So we did flutter kicks together like idiots on the ground where kaypoh curious passerbys stared at us as they walked but we didn't care.

The pool was completely empty! It was like crystal blueeeeee, cause of the sun rays hitting the waters. I LOVED IT!!! Poppy put on his favourite diving flippers that he always wear whenever he goes to swim cause he likes to swim dolphin style, a style that he evented himself inspired by the dolphins. And then he told me, "Han, watch me ok!!!" I took a deep breath and went underwater, watching him swim happily like a dolphin. It then reminded me last time when I was a kid, where I would sit on his back and he would swim me around like I was swimming on a dolphin's back.

Today was lovely indeed. :)

Weekends

2011-07-24T21:58:00.003+08:00

Weekends are no longer the slouchy, lazy, i-dont-even-wanna-step-out-of-the-house weekends I used to have. They are different now.

Always feasting on suuuuper gooood fooood since I'm out with the deprived army boys. Had this super set meal at ichiban sushi (hehe, very happy i brought them there) and this tallll mango ice cream sundae. DINNER AND DESSERT!!! So awesome. So complete. And heart to heart talks, lunch and playing the guitar w my boyfriend today before he booked in today at 6pm.

I really REEAaallly like my weekends now. :)

More reasons to continue working to earn $$ to spend on good food with good people. :D

My EXTREMELY special birthday ^ ^

2011-07-16T15:21:00.002+08:00

3 awesome things I did:

1) Donated my old laptop to Aunty Carol's sons. The joy of giving!

2) Secretly went to fix my boyfee's guitar, and he was so happy!

3) Dressed up as a slytherin and went to watch the finale of harry potts!

^____^

:)

2011-07-13T15:09:00.000+08:00

Hehehe

Average

2011-07-13T13:11:00.002+08:00

Can't help but feel so average. But being average makes me happy and contented because at least I'm not less than average.

I'm average! ^ ^

Leaving

2011-06-29T20:08:00.004+08:00

I must say this year feels exceptionally uncertain for me. I feel out of touch with people sometimes, OR MAYBE Im just thinking too much, and I hope its the latter.

Yanhan, move on. MOVE ON!

I felt slightly offended by my dentist today, haven't met her for more than 6 months and she's still the same. She has great skills but can be sometimes offensively straightforward? So our conversation went something like that,

Dentist: So what have you been doing! Have you been working or something like that?

Me: Uhm, yep, Im working at this bubble tea shop at ion.

Dentist: What?? Bubble tea shop?? That's useless. You should work at somewhere useful to gain some experience. Somewhere related to your field. What kind of experience can you get from a bubble tea shop??

Me: ...

Fast forward! Well, at least I have nice clean teeth now!!!!!!! :D

Nua-ing season

2011-06-23T17:10:00.002+08:00

K, its been about 3 days since I was back from Korea and I've been rolling around the house, meeting up with people, doing un-serious stuff. I don't know whether this is healthy, but I'm currently at this "I-don't-know-what-I-am-doing-but-lets-just-see-where-time-takes-me-to" state.

Been hanging out w pris cause she's leaving for korea this sat for 38 days! Sigh, cause everybody's changing and I dont feel the same ~

Going back to work next week to take my mind off stuff! I miss aunty carol and wenz.

IMBACK!

2011-06-21T18:18:00.002+08:00

Korea was a lovely place! It was summer, I could see the scorching sun in the sky, yet the super cooling breeze took away the heat in the afternoons. Morning and night time was like in an air-conditioned room!

The older generation korean guys are male chauvinists though. And my tour guide belongs to that category. Talking about how he used to order his wife to do all his dirty shit, and drinking and messing around with other women... He really looks like an ugly koala bear with small eyes. I didn't really like him, but I didnt let that spoil my trip!!

I love how the koreans dress!!! Its so colourful and bold and so cute. Most of them love wearing dresses with sneakers, WHICH I LOVE TOO! They can wear a green top and match it with a yellow skirt and still look so perrrfect. And I love the korean language!! Though I couldn't even understand. It sounds really sexy. Especially when those korean air stewardess blabber away on the plane, I would be like ahhhhhH~ SO SEXY PLEASE.

I love korean vegetables too!! SO FRESH AND CRISP! My tour guide was like saying koreans diet very healthy, everything also have tons of vegetables, thats why they don't sell much fruits around and fruits are expensive since the demand is low. The vegetables provide all the fiber that they need. But its so ironic, cause most koreans drink and smoke too.

I'm really surprised at my shopping stamina! We were given very little shopping time and my sister and I hor, REALLY CHIONGED LIKE SIAO. Like ZOOP ZOOOP ZOOOOP! Our eyes scanning through every shop like lightning bolt. Korea's such an awesome place to shop! SO MANY THINGS TO BUY but so little time :( In total, I spent like $325.26 on clothes, face stuff and gifts. WHOO HOO! I'm gonna be a responsible girl and pay everything back to my momma and papa.

OK I shall end this post abruptly. K uhm, bye.

EXCITED

2011-06-05T22:17:00.003+08:00

Yay! Im going korea next sunday! Super super stoked.

Have been spending soo much quality time w friends and I loveddd it, especially w my bei bao! Cause hes enlisting soon, and my class boys too!!! And Im trying to spend more time w clari too since she's leaving for aussie reeeaalll sooon in July, CLARI ARE YOU SEEING THIS, we gotta get crazy together ok I DONT CARE.

Random thoughts that made me smile

2011-05-27T23:39:00.002+08:00

Was just looking through my internship photos, and realized how much I missed it. It felt like a really intense and passionate relationship, and now Im just feeeling abit sore about leaving it behind. :( 20+ days of non-stop consecutive filming, crazy masssss calling to people that I developed this mental phone ringing phobia in my head...

Oh mianz, I miss Didi, Jason, Loong, Ron and Ryan the most. I miss making their days. I miss how Jason used to tell me how I make him smile every day and it would make me smile and go "awwwww Jason!!!!!" I remember how sad I felt when it was just one moreeee final day tilll shoot ended, and at the mini sleepover we had at the chalet when Loong told me that its all gonna be over in one day's time and it will prolly be our final last time to be together and we will most likely not gonna meet again...cause of the time inflexibility of their job. I miss resting my head on Didi's shoulder when we, the two little girls of the group, cabbed back home every single time after work, feeling sooooo exhausted but we always knew we had each other to rely on. I miss Ryan's epic happy expression when he found out that I found his bag! And how Ron used to steal a bite from my apple and his breath stank... K I DONT MISS THAT.

Ugh, missssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss these memoriesssssss.

Friday was yesterday and Saturday is today

2011-05-21T15:23:00.002+08:00

Graduation is next week! Strangely, I don't feel at all excited, nor do I dread it. I just feeel like, we already left schoool like super long ago! We left the school when we left for internship, which was about 5 months ago.

Yesterday, Tam's toe nail cracked again and she told me to blog about it!!! And I shall. Omg, it was soooo freeeaaaaky just recalling that moment. She stripped over this metal flap that was suppose to be closed and it sliced through her nail and to the flesh of her toe!!! Omg, the horroor. THE HOORRRROORRR. I even had small blood stains on my dress after helping her, can you imagine how much bloood the poor toe lost?!?!? O___O Almost died. BUT YESTERDAY WAS STILLL FUN!!!!!!!!! It's always fun and happening.

In the mean time....

2011-05-14T21:11:00.002+08:00

OK I said too early about being happy every day. I was sad yesterday, BUT THAT WAS YESTRDAY! Today I'm alright again!!! Im really really really, blessed to have so many people believing in me and feeding me with tons of lovely encouragement. I heart allll of youuuuuu. My papa and mama sayang-ed me like a kitty last night. :')

I felt so awesome staying at home practising Justin Bieb's Baby on my guitar!!!! HAHAH. Don't judge okay, I love that song. And Im gonna practise more songs w my aunt tmr!!

Sometimes you just don't get what you want. But I know I've tried my bestest! I tried. :)

I don't geddit.

2011-05-04T22:16:00.003+08:00

If I told you that I'm hardly ever sad these days/weeks, would you believe me? It's weird how I wake up every day, my head is brimmed with optimism and happiness! Oh, I adore this feeling, this never ending feeling of happiness is soooo liberating. I even forgot how being sad is like.

I wish it would never ever end. :)

Honey, sunny, bunny

2011-04-18T23:07:00.002+08:00

I've been so happy these few days! Met up w so many lovely people, lovely people whom I have been wanting to meet. I feel satisfied. ^ ^ I even had the chance to meet up w didi despite her busy schedule and yoga practices!! :o and I was surprised she threw a tight warm hug onto me first, because she was never a huggy kind of person. I missed too many people.

And then came social night, where I got to FINAAALLY meet my jungle buddy, weiwen. Honestly, I never liked formal dinners and mingling around with formal people, its sooo weiiiirrrd and restricted and you eat dinners of small portion and have your napkins on your lap and you have to wear a nice dressss and dresss up and its just weiiiiirrrd, cause thats what I normally don't do. But I guess it wasn't all too bad!!! In fact, it wasn't even bad at all. It was actually fun!?? it was so cute to see every guy don in this realllyyyy ultra smashing handsome suit, and they were alll waiting for their dates on the benches, or you can see guys coming out of cars and opening doors for girls, IT WAS SUCH A CUTE SIGHT!!!!!!!! And the awkwardness at every other table but our table was so filled with life and laughter, YAY for nice table mates!!!!!!! I made many nice friends, met a senior from my course and even met a long lost CCA friend!!!!

Whooooooopie!!!!!!!!

Happy Lemon

2011-03-20T17:20:00.003+08:00

It has been 5 days working at Happy lemon!!!!!!!! Though super tiring, but Ive been super happy during work, serving customers and making people's day. It's really awesome to be part of the family so quickly, or maybe I shouldn't say too early. But whatever it is, I like what I am doing. And meeting an old good friend of mine from primary schoooool, who's working with me now at Happy Lemon!!!!! Finally got to see her after 7 years!!!!!! Days of climbing trees in our pinafores, catching grasshoppers and tiger moths and running around playing hopscotch,I love you clari airy :D

Then I couldn't be any happier when I am at home. Now whenever I am at home, I feel instantly blessed and happy. SO BLESSED AND HAPPY! Im not sure why, but maybe because of all the things that had happened in the world and a revelation that I'm still safe, my home's safe, my family's safe, my blankie's safe, allll my favourite clothes and things are still safe. Then whenever I have work in the morning, my pa would make sure he makes the bestest breakfast in the world to make sure Im welll fed like a cow and ready to go for work and when Im come home, everyone would always give me hugs. I'm happy. :)

But one day when my pa was driving the car, he was talking about the Japanese fireman fighting to save the city from the nuclear reactor. He told me that if such a catastrophe would to happen in Singapore, he would, in a heartbeat, volunteer himself. And then suddenly, tears started falling from my eyes!!!! I felt soooooooooooooo sad all of a sudden, I can't imagine just losing him. :( He told me that he would do it for us, and what he really wants now is for me, mommy and sissy to be safe and for everyone else to be safe too. I larve you papa, I know you're the greatest man in the world entire world :)

What do I do without youuuuu

2011-03-02T23:06:00.002+08:00

I like how I keep my organizer nice and organized and so pretty and so comic-ish, I FEEL SO TALENTED AND ARTISTICALLY INCLINED.

I am wondering why I still feel nauseous whenever I think of the name Justin or when it pops in my brain randomly or when people talk about Justin Bieber and it makes me so bleargh, not that I hate Justin Bieber, I AM TOTALLY FINE WITH HIM. Why is Justin suddenly such an ugly name?!??! So slimey. I mean, slimy.

I applied for a job at Awfully Chocolate!!! I hope I get it, so I can get to wear a cute shirt. So weird, cause I never really liked chocolate, until the day when I had awfully chocolate, it was truly a life changing experience for me. So, I was inspired to work there. PLEASE CHOOOSE ME, I wannna work there! ^ ^

Right now, it's just me and the sky and my friends and my family. Tomorrow's the deadline for NTU's appraisal!!!!!! Omg, I hope my awesomely written essay and nicely written testimonials by my lecturers will touch the people's hearts at NTU.

I AM NOT DEAD!

2011-02-24T21:06:00.002+08:00

At last, the day has come. I thought I would make some REALLY EPIC blog post and share with all of you people here, but i think i kind of lost all the words that I wanna say along the way, or I've shared with with MANY MANY people along the way as welll, people who were always there for me, or supporting me, OMG A GAZILLIONN HEARTS FOR YOUUUU

I was misunderstood, scolded, bullied....whatever bad things that you thought would never happen to me, happened. I met bad people, the mean and cold ones. But of course! I met the loveliest people I would ever meet, my crew mates. So off we went on a 21 day journey, of sleepless nights, aching thighs and arms and backs, carrying heavy things, falling down and getting brusies... we kind of all melted into a pot, like soft gooey warm melted cheese fondue, a close family!

The thing I loved best at work, is going out on shoots with this family, this family which consist of 8 older, strong, fit looking guys plus me and didi, another girl intern from NTU. We look after each other, make fun of each other, had soooooooo much fun laughing and stuffff, but also worked seriously and hard as well!! I'm gonna remember every single one of you, your names, your faces....cause you guys made this internship so memorable for me :)

Noo, this IS the 7th week

2011-01-15T15:52:00.002+08:00

I made a mistake!! I thought last week was the 7th week. so!!! yeah!!!! this week was the 7th weeek, only 5 more to go!!!!!!!! time passes so fast, its unbelievable.

There are so many things on my mind like where I shoudl head to after internship. I wish I could go NS and have 2 more years to think HAHAHHA ok maybe not, never. But oh welll, just focusing on doing welll for internship and doing WHATEVER I can to make this production a successful one, jia you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nurul, my crazy buddy's leaving for aussie :'( Im gonna miss her so much, she's the sweetest :( i wonder who will be sitting beside me next week, heard there's gonna be another new girl!!!! we'lll seeeee......

Its the 7th week

2011-01-08T20:53:00.002+08:00

HOW TIME FLIES!!!! The 7th week of internship is over.

The 7th week was one of the most happening weeks for me. So many things happened!!! As production is neearing, we are still int he midst of finding the PERFECT cast. I am so glad we found like 3/4 of it. We left two important roles, one shy boy and one sweet looking girl. Sounds like a really task issnt it? WELL, it isnt.

My director has the perfect vision of these two people in his mind... and so it was difficult. But thankfully, THANKFULLY!!!! We found the big boob girl!!!! YAYYY, and it's.... mad. hahahha, its so funny to associate her w that, BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH MADSY FOR HELPING OUT! It means so much to me. And bringing all the animax girls along for casting, they were such lovely people. I made more new friends!!!! :)

And then, sponsors start responding pretty well. Someone just called my HP to say that they decided to sponsor us western fooood for lunch!!! DAMN AWESOME PEOPLE :') And this stalll who decided to sponsor us makes MAGICAL CHARGRILLED CHICKEN WITH SPAGHETTI, its like the BEST WESTERN FOOD ON EARTH! And they are such a humble little stall, located at a foodcourt near my office. I just went down, had the most MAGNIFICENT dinner, then I just told the aunty that her western food was the best thing I have eaten in this week and she remembered ever since. And then, I thought of them for sponsorship and I was like just randomly asking them... And they said YES! Though only sponsoring for one day, it's definitely better than nothing! I amlooking forward to lunch on that day of filming. :) They are so sweet.

Speaking about food sponsors, Amy, Mark's friend, decided to sponsor us too!!!! For a whopping week or two. Shes so lovely. :') And she makes lovely food. So I dont have to worry so much about lunch during filming now... we cut down so much budget.

Sponsors started responding readily to me, like Converse, Esprit, STAGE, Prima Deli, Nova Furniture, Promod, Fourskin, Pastamania.... I cant be more than thankful to them. THANK YOU SO MUCH :')

And also, I have a lovely cast for this show. :) Just need two more actors......NEED TO FIND THEM. My director was so worried. Then I suddenly thought of asking on Facebook, and many people helped me so readily as welll!!!!! Then I thought of weiwen. His whole family joker one lor. His second brother decided to help me!!!!!! And he almost got the role :( But he cut his hair, so his look was changed :( :( and director didnt like that. Oh welll.... so I went to ask people on the train!!!!!!!!! and i met some lovely people, who decided to help me!!!! :D Then I asked char's friend, Benson, and he agreeed!!!! And then I aske dmy cousin, who's this shy looking cute boy, and he agreeed also!!!!

My couzzie came down today and I missed him so much! Havent seeeen him for weeeks. And he looks so cute!!!!!! I hope he gets chosen, cause I thought he was pretty natural. And hes sucha sweet boy!! He doesnt even LIKE the idea of acting but is so willing to help me out.

Family

2011-01-01T23:22:00.002+08:00

Another thing I would like to talk about is, my family. I just realize like, in year 2010, we have gotten even EVEN closer, and I am very thankful for that. I love them w alllll my heart and I am so glad to go back home, and be filled with so much warmth and love. May we be THIS CLOSE, for 2011 and many years to come :)

2011 and stuff

2011-01-01T23:07:00.004+08:00

Omgosh, its been 5 weeks for internship!!!!!!!!! That means, 7 more weeks to go, HELLL YEAaaaaaahhhh to the chyeeeaaahhh to the fyeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!

During work, I have been always in this little bubble. Im kind of numbed to the fact that, I have experienced all the bad experiences that if a tornado were to come hit my company down, I wouldn't run, I would just sit in the chair and stone. HAHAH OK tt sounds bad, but okay, I haven't been the most positive ray of sunshine, neither am I the gloomy cloud. I am like, in the middle. Sure, there are definitely nice experiences, and the bad ones? I learn stuff from them. Wow, now I sound positive! Whoo hoo!

Production's commencing in 2 week's time, and we havent confirmed the cast, some suppliers stufff...... I feel like giving up, BUT NO I SHALL NOT! My director is one tough cookie, and I have to be a tough cookie just like him. We have our differences, like how he speaks chinese so fluently, but I am getting there! And he's very last minute, and I dont like being last minute. This is gonna be a hellllava riiiiide in 2011!!!!!

Speaking about 2011, I havent really made any plans yet. I am planless little girl. One thing for sure, I do want to study. Might want to study communication studies in NTU, if they accept me!!!! Pls pls NTU accept me, I'm the bubbliest bubble of brightspark you can ever find!!!!! If you dont accept me for comm studies, I shall haunt you back NTU, to apply for Visual Comm in the school of Arts, Design and Media!!!!!

Art is something I have always wanted to do like a REALLLY long time ago. I mean, I like art!!! and design and stuffff. Even, mass comm wasnt what I wanted to do, I wanted to do creative media design in SP or like visual comm in TP, but my uncle thought the industry for design is pretty stagnant. I dont know, maybe!!!! This is the one chance thats pushing me to do something I like to do!!!! And maybe I will do it. I am just quite hesitant on producing a portfolio, SO MANY THINGS TO INCLUDE!

One thing for sure in year 2011, I am very determined to get into a local u. And I hope my determination gets me there!!!! Yeah. yeah!! :)

1 week down, 11 more to go

2010-12-04T12:05:00.003+08:00

When my father said work is gonna be like a jungle, he wasn't kidding. Ahhh, must start this post with a wise metaphor. Even working at FOX was pretty ok, cause i never really had a chance to interact alot with my colleagues, i satisfy my socializing cravings by talking to customers and yada yada. Now, I am stuck in an office, with really intimidating people. And if you don't talk, no one's gonna talk to you. Even if you talk, it doesnt guarantee you that the person wants to talk to you.

It was my first day on Monday and there were two ways I could approach this matter:

1) Act like a overly friendly moron

2) Act like I don't give a f***

AND OF COURSEEE, if you know me, I would be 1) Act like a overly friendly moron. Apparently, office people dont like overly friendly morons, they think we are... morons. Overly friendly morons to them are like, childish people. I mean they would think we are seriously desperate for people's attention, BUT I REALLY WAS!!!! And I would come to that later. What about number 2? Of course you wouldnt want to act like you don't give a f***, who would WANT to talk to you if you pretend nobody in the office existed and you dont socialize?!?! You're gonna be a bloody outcast. Then after one week at work, I have finally evolved into something like,

3) I'm a really coooool and chillll person who looks like I don't give a f*** but I am still really friendly

I can't ignore this overly friendly characteristic in me, I REALLY CANT. It's like, sewn in me, its part of me. SO sometimes, I still get overly excited over stupid things like when I am with my friends like for example, I had an extra fishcake the uncle gave me in my yong tau foo yesterday and I shrieked OUT LOUD unconsciously "YAYY THE UNCLE GAVE ME ONE FREE FISHCAKE!!!!!!" and the evil dutch guy (i will come to him in a bit) glared at me and said "How charming" and I was like oh shit. OK CONTROL YOURSELF YANHAN get a grip. Or like the other time when they asked, "So where shall we eat for lunch?" AND I HADD TO SAY "Oh! What about ION orchard's takoyaki??? :D" And they ignored me :(

There're alot of coffee shops around my area, and its soo bloooody hot i swear, but theres alot of good foood. Oh, I know some nice people int he company would ask you out for lunch since you are a FRESH new person here to make you feel welcomed, but I never got asked out for lunch until like thursday. YES THURSDAY. I wasn't really asked out either, it was just so that this nice boy called Benson asked me to tag along with this two other colleagues, I would think the two other colleagues were still uncomfrotable with me, and so, I was uncomfortable with them as well. But no la, I didnt eat alone either for the past few days before Thursday. I ate with the other intern, Marcus, cause hes always soo bussyyy but I would wait for him still, cause he's one of the nicest people around in the office.

I work in a production company, so naturally EVERYONE is always busy. I broke down on Tuesday and cried on the phone w Sak I remember. It was a cold rainy day, and everything inside me just crumbled. Wassit so difficult to just get someone to just TALK TO ME??? I feel very choked inside when I feel invisible and when I am so friendly myself. Its so difficult :( And then I realized, everyone's too busy to talk to me. As I was a new comer, I hardly have any work to do. But I have work now. Then on Thursday, I began to take things in my stride and tried to accept the fact that people wouldnt warm up to me as quickly as I would to them. Then I slowly talked to people, making random comments... things are getting less and less tense and I am slowly becoming... a really really cool person inside me. I must tame the overly excited jumping bunny inside me, and that I would unleash the overly excited jumping bunny when I see my friends, MUST CONTROL YOURSELF HAN.

The evil dutch guy (EDG)was a tough nut to crack. He made me feel so horrible. If I have explained this story to you, you can jump on to the next part cause I have explained this a gazillion times. EDG is half dutch and half chinese. Marcus is under him, so EDG would always come over to his place and talk to him about things and as our place was smalll.... I COULD SERIOUSLY feeel his intimidating presence. And why is EDG so intimidating???

1) He's seriously very cute. When I first saw him i was like "Eeep!!!" in my heart

2) He has a low booming voice

3) He has an ang moh accent

4) Hes very very very tall

I get super scared and shy when a cute guy is around. And yes, there are quite a few in the office, but no one hangs around the intern square as much as EDG as Marcus is working under him. and hes like 30 years old but crazily young at heart. He does stupid things, and makes fun of you when hes comfortable with you. He makes fun of everrryone in the company cept for me, and I feel left out. WTF I KNOW, FEELING LEFT OUT CAUSE SOMEBODY DOESNT PLAY WITH YOU???? Of cause I felt left out, cause everyone int he office was having fun playing around with EDG, and I wasnt having fun just watching people have fun. I want to HAVE FUN TOO. and he just wouldnt talk to me. Then I was like, ok fiiine, yanhan, he would never talk to you, dont even think about it. UNTIL YESTERDAY

Almost everyone in the office was going for lunch at a restaurant. Actually, it was originally meant for a production crew who did a production together, in the end, end up ALLL the big shots, producers, directors, creative directors everyone went, when they werent suppose to, cause it was meant for people for that particular production team.

Marcus was suppose to go, though he felt really bad for wanting to leave me alone in the office to eat lunch alone (aww hes seriously a nice guy!!! seriously), then he left with them. And I was alone in the office, playing with the computer. THEN MARCUS CAME BACK!!!! He was like "ahhh so awkward, and later got things to do also" THEN YAYY!! I needn't eat lunch alone! Then after that, Benson and the two other colleagues also didnt go cause they felt awkward. So how? WE WENT FOR LUNCH TOGETHER AGAIN.

Then after that Marcus got a call. EDG WANTS TO JOIN US TOO. In my mind I was like NOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo, hes so evil I dont even want to eat with him (actually he isnt very evil, I just like to call him that). But whatever, he came so yep. It wasnt that bad, got to talk to him abit though still awkward. Cause he asked awkward questions like, "Whats your primary school? Whats your secondary school? Whats your current school? Whats your age?" Oh gawd, awkward short questions.

After lunch, I went back to the office and it was still lunch time so I was still fidddling around with the computer going on twitter, to tweet about my lunch but before I could click the TWEET button EDG wanted to borrow my computer and I was like uhm ok, cause I thought it was for some urgent matter. BUT IT WASNT. He hovered over my twitter account AND CLICKED ON IT AND I TWEETED HALFWAY SAYING "HAHAH I cant believe I went for lunch with the evil dutch guy..." and MY VERY FIRST INSTINCT WAS TO??? USE MY HANDS TO COVER THE MONITOR SCREEN. He was like fighting with my hands and saying "LEMME SEE IT LEMMME SEEE IT" and I was like OMG NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! Then yep, he saw it

"HAHAH I cant believe I went for lunch with the evil dutch guy.... What the fuck, so I am the evil dutch guy???? " as he said that, he continued adding on and said, "but hes soo hot" and he tweeted it!!! And he tweeted a couple more saying that hes hot and that I am in love with him. -.- But yeahhh i guessss, this broke the ice for both of us! How strange to break the awkwardness between the two of us. BUT YEP ITS BROKEN.

And I have said so many awful awkward things earlier on, but I want to say the good things. I have got so many people looking after me.

1) Sam

My ultimate sister in the office.Shes my coursemate and a senior of mine who worked there full time after her internship there. I AM SO THANKFUL FOR HER, I wouldnt know what to do without her around. Shes so lovely :) Though I get lost sometimes when shes not around the office when she out for shoot :(

2) Kino

Sam's good friend, whos looking after me too! She helps me alot and ALWAYS helps me whenever I need help. She even gave me a cute companion, a little cute toy, which she blu tacked it on the desk.

3) MARCUS!!!

My another intern companion, we are the only two interns, just that I am more lost and I came in much later than he did. Hes really awsome :) though he very indie, if you know what i mean

4) Chiu Ming

The producer I am under. SHES SO LOVELY!!!! I am so glad to be under the chiense department, so so thankful. I cant be more thankful cause I have her around. :)

5) Sook

she looks after all the production assistants in the office and that includes me, and she helps me also whenever I need help

6) Benson

a really cute boy who likes doraemon too!!!! i really like him :) and he helps me too!!!!

And the rest ofthe people who would smile at me whenever I am at my desk, Thank you. Even the cleaner aunty in the morning, THANK YOU for making the toilet so cleanand wonderful. :)

I would still love to think alll of them are awesome till the end of internship stilll.

AND OF COURSE MY LOVELY 01 CLASSMATES, couldnt have gone through this gruelling first week if not for alll of your encouragement. Thank goodness for twitter. Twitter is awesome for updates from all of you. CANT WAIT TO MEET MY CLASSMATES NEXT WEEEK AGAIN!!! We had such an awesome time yesterday :'D Miss yall like crazy.

WAH SIA SO LONG THIS POST, ok byebye

All good things must come to an end

2010-11-28T21:22:00.003+08:00

Yep, so the time i dread the most HAS COME. It's the end of schoool and the staart of something new- Internship

I have tons of things I want to say, but I think they have already been said. I have never ever regretted getting a raw score L1R5 of 17, and not making it into Junior College cause I am not smart enough. In secondary school, I've always felt I was stupid, not getting good grades and all when everyone else was... but in SP, i've always felt smart in my own ways, that I am actually... talented? Everyone there was talented too, creative, always full of ideas and we did things fearlessly.

And I have made so many dear friends there! The entire DMC family has been like a family, and we still are, im gonna rmb each and everyone of those 100 faces out there. I wouldnt exchange all these memories for anything else. We are going to have class outings, feast on buffets, eat takoyaki and drink happpy lemon and walk through those shops at ion and try on shoes and clothes... its gonna be like the old days. Just that we arent classmates anymore, we are still awesome friends!!!!!

To be honest, I have been feeeling like CRAP these few days, the thought of not going to school and meeting these people actually makes me CRY!

FIRST DAY OF WORK TMR GUYS!!!! All the best and I love you guys from the bottom of my heart.

Why is the world so stingy?

2010-11-13T23:34:00.003+08:00

Stupid chicken rice uncle who gives me chicken rice less than its worth of $3, then when I add char shao and I pay $3.50, he slabs me some measely pathetic amount and it makes me upset. I always give him chance and buy chicken with additional char shao, and see whether he will give me extra char shao if I say "Hello! I want white chicken with char shao" in my sweetest voice, and with a wide big smile. I think he's blind and he's deaf, he never seems to look at me, only concentrates on chopping the chicken. But nevermind, I give him chance.

"3.50 please." He says

"THANK YOU!!" I say. Never say thank you back. Knn. NEVERMIND, I give you chance, maybe you will smile back one day to me and say thank you, MAYBE. But like hello, you're the one who's suppose to say thank you!!! But nevermind, I always say thank you, I'm a courteous girl. I always smile, cause I'm a nice girl. Then when I reach home, open the packet. Knn. Its the same pathetic amount of foood, I always eat like a cow. I dont get myself sometimes, I dont like that store I still go buy, BUT WHY?!?? I WANT TO GIVE THE WORLD A CHANCE. A chance to redeem itself, a chance to be nice to people.... just a chance to change and make this world a better place. Omg, I must be out of my mind.

It's true. Its sad. Why everyone so stingy??? Will it kill you to make someone happy in return? Issit so hard? It's not. I hate customer service, I HATE the people in customer service. All rubbish. All bulllshit. Damn angry cause some of these people dont deserve to be in customer service, they are in it because they want to earn money....and serve customers with the worst freaking attitude. No smiles, no thank yous..... SO HORRIBLE. I hate people who are rude, they are like mean. I dont like mean people. no one likes mean people. They must be people with no friends.

Then there's another experiment I did. Everytime I go to school, I take the lift. When people press the open lift door button for me, I always say thank you! SO i decided to try opening the lift door for people one week and see if anyone says thank you. NOBODY SAID!!!!! WHY IS THE WORLD SO STINGY?!?!?! THANK YOU WILLL KILLL YOU AH?!?!?!

I feel very sad. Its just...such a sad and stingy world out there.

When all things fail..

2010-11-10T20:17:00.002+08:00

All you really need is food, seriously.

Its my second buffet in two weeks and I'm...stuffed, spoilt and happy and...broke :( But whatever, money isnt the main concern, we can always earn money back. Wah, I talk as if i got alot of money sia..... BUT NO i dont hahahha. I'm a saver, MONEY SAVER, then i splurge eveerything on edible happinesss which feeds me happiness.

Been feeling unnecessarily stressed, and whatever my seniors said to me yesterday scared the hell out of me. But I'm gonnna havta trust myself and just..... be my cheeeery bubbly self during internship and allllll....shalll be fiiiineeeee. There's no room for second guessing, and my seniors who told me scary stuff DIDNT even work at my internship place, everything was just..... whats-heard-from-this-person-who's-working-there, they don't even know cause they never really truly experienced it themselves. But whatever! Im gonnna dooo my bestest and SHIIINEEEEE like the foil holding my favourite fruit tart.

Eating my pa's coconut-milkless curry chicken now, it's awesome, the tornado that happened in my head earlier on ceased and its settling down now. I'm at peace.

2010-11-05T00:06:00.003+08:00

feeel like i'm rolling down hillll.....and i might hit the murky waters of the river. it's funny how i worry about my friends being upset and alll, rather than me. And how ironic it is to try my hardest to make everyone happy but make myself the saddest and pathetic living being on earth inside. Why am I crumbling inside? :(

I NEEED THE FORCES OF THE WIND to rollll me back up the hillllll

shhiiiiitttt emo juices, emo posts :'( :'(

2010-11-04T23:25:00.000+08:00

running awway makes me feel like a coward

i feeel so small, like a tiny pea mashed up in a can of mushy peas, tucked away in the cupboard. Don't open it, i will spill

My comfort things

2010-10-26T22:30:00.002+08:00

1. Yellow blankie

2. Sashimi

3. Pokka green tea

Basketball

2010-10-26T21:37:00.004+08:00

The ball is in my court, I don't know what to do with it. I know I kinda wanna play with the basketball, BUT WHAT IF I LOSE? I'm bad at basketball.

Then I don't play it, I sit on the bench and watch other people. Then the wind comes and the ball starts drifting away...slowly. Then I think, welll! If I am meant to play basketball, the basketball will come back to me, I wouldn't need to play it now. I don't care about it, BUT IT KEEPS ROLLING BACK TO ME. I never wanted to play basketball cause I've always thought, I'm not good enough to play it. I pick it up and throw it into another court, but it rolls back to me, every time.

And the ball's back in my court again

School is not cool.

2010-10-23T14:00:00.001+08:00

Omgoshhhh, this semester has been the most boring thing that has ever happpened on this planet. With only two modules and two of the most boring lecturers......SAAAVE USSSSS :( sigh.

Chunks of things in my soup

2010-10-17T17:00:00.002+08:00

Welll, I havent blogged for a long time!!!! Im gonna blog about yesterday, about this msn convo i had with bei, it was like random and sudden, like always, like any other day, actually come to think of it, i talk to him every single day.

Just that yesterday, it was on a sudden... sad topic. We talked about bullies and being different and all, and i felt so sad,and if we were to talk about this over ice cream, i would have really bawled like siao.

Im damn mean, but whatever

2010-10-17T14:53:00.001+08:00

lady on the phone: helloo, could you help me do a survey?

me: on what?

lady: on financial statuses

me: uhm, no

lady: why not?

me: cause i'm not interested

lady: can i get your parents to do it for me?

me: they are not at home

lady: should i call back later?

me: no you shouldnt

lady: why not?

me: they wouldnt be interested too

lady: ok, i will just call back later ok?

me: NO DONT CALL BACK

omg stupid lady

My jolly holi wolly

2010-10-04T09:57:00.002+08:00

YAY Im back from my 3 day escapade to KLLLLLLLLLLLLLLl, i mean KL. We went there cause mommy had some free hotel accomodation. We ate alot and i enjoyed it sooo much cause I spent it w the fam!!!!!! And I love my fam. We love each other so much that all four of us slept on ONE KING SIZED bed cause we only had one room, one bed. I CANT BELIEVE WE DID THAT but yeah we did it. I felt homesick the minute I reached that place and it was weird, cause it was only 3 days and my family was there, but i reallly miissssed my beeeddddd and blankie.

Work for another 2 more weeks!!!!! I cant wait for work to end, btw im still at the ion outlet! they transferred me back, hahahha. I. CANT. WAAAAIITT

My poor couzie

2010-09-27T13:23:00.003+08:00

Last friday night my couzie got knocked down by a taxi when he was crossing the road correectly, with the green man and all!! We only got to visit him on saturday. When we arrived, only my uncle was there cause couzie had to be sent to have his head stitched up. And we waited for at least 2 hours, but we all spent the time talking about my couzie's school problems and alll. He's a smart boy, never studied for his o levels and got a LR15 of 12, and got into tampines JC and he's reaally really good in tennis. And this year, is his A level year and its only like a few months away and this accident had to happen :(

Couzie got wheeled in from his 30 over stitches on his head. I got a shock when I saw him and tears instantly welled up my eyes. My mom, sis and grandma started crying as well. He had wounds all over him, his eyes were swelled up like eggs and his head was wrapped up, he hands were filled with deep scratches, patchy deep red. His nose was swollen and had scratches all over it as well. But the lucky thing was that his cheeks and forehead were spared from scratches. His lips suffered from deep black scratches, like the wounds were black, and he prolly got them when his teeth sunk into them during the accident.

My uncle also said couzie suffered from slight amnesia, he couldnt rmb anything of this accident and why he ended up inthe hospital. He looked so scared, i could see it from his eyes cause tears were brimming his red eyes as well. Then I held his hand, it was cold and there were so many injuries on them. :( :( Poor couzie :(:( But i guess hes SUPER LUCKY, to have survived this with his brain unaffected from injuries and that he's still alive.

2010-09-23T23:10:00.002+08:00

this holiday has been one of the most fulfilling holidays i ever had!!! cause of work partially and just hanging out with the people i love. I feel like i'm secretly blessed. Like how I was suppose to be working for topshop and plans were changed and i was made to work at FOX instead. First few days of work were never easy, getting lost, communication barriers w people... but the people there were really accomodating, especially my supervisor, she say the nicest encouraging things to me and I get my breaks and get to leave work on the dot. I'm gonna miss ION orchard's FOX, no matter how much I complained and whined.

It was my last day yesterday and I finalllyy got to properly talk to my other filipino colleague, cause i was doing the night shift w him and towards the end of the day, he was giving me clothes to try on and i was playing dresss up with theclothes and he let me sneak in Happy Lemon to drink during work!!! damn awesome, gonna misss takoyaki, fishball noodles and happy lemon.

But! Im gonna work at Suntec's FOX now!!! Though I dont think I would work for long...especially when school's starting soon.

Monday

2010-09-13T13:46:00.002+08:00

Omg, had the most awesome sleeeeeep!!!!!!!! I really think after having a baby in the family, my grandma's getting jollier by the week. I can't talk to babies very welll, my pa's very goood at it though, he makes all the sound effects like pew pew pew zooooooom. I really really like my baby cousin tooo, shes the tiniest cupcake in the family now and brings so much joy every week.

Another week's gone?!

2010-09-09T21:20:00.002+08:00

this first weeek of holi has been eventful!! I found a job, hehe. At ion orchard's FOX, so visit whenever you can k? I dont think I will be working there every day and every minute though.

Then had like shopping w the lochnesses, karaoke, xiao long bao buffet and teeeeaaaa... and tmr surprisingly, I DONT HAVE WORK!!!! maybe i will be gg to fly kite again!!! flying kite is super fun. and i dont have work on sunday tooo!!!! Yay I can go my ah ma's house.

first day of work was pretty alright, people working there arent exactly my age group, but they are pretty friendly! and customers were pretty nice too, I havent really seeen any mean ones around. There are so many things to remember!!! But making a customer happy, makes me happy too. :)

ICE CREAM THERAPY!!

2010-09-04T18:58:00.003+08:00

Something made me really happy today, MY ICE CREAM FIX LIKE FINALLY I GOT IT. and my pa's slurpy horfun, now i need to go for like, a buffet.

The Mighty Fighter

2010-09-04T00:13:00.004+08:00

ANYWAY my pa got a new camera! olympus something something, has the exact same functions as tam's camera just a smaller and much different version.

and its 2 weeks left till ww flies off to Australia for his pilot training course. I'm really really excited for him cause if he passes, I AM GONNA HAVE A PILOT FRIEND!!!!!! todays kite flying was awesome, ww really is meant for flying. we named the kite the mighty fighter and we even have a theme song!! and up in the sky, it went.... till the sky went dark, but we could still see mighty fighter clinging on in the wind like a fighter.

O-O-OVERRR

2010-09-01T20:24:00.002+08:00

Omg!!!!! SO MANY THINGS ARE FINALLY OVER THIS WEEK!!!!! Submission week was hell, but screw it, handed in PRW, FYP, Broadcast, Radio AND FINISHED MOCK PRESS CONFERENCE CA TODAY!!!!

I can't tell you how relieved I am. But projects over exams anytime, hahahahha, i like the rushing of projects and getting stressed up and depressed and wanting to cry with friends and when its over, the feeling is like glitter and confetti falling from the sky. Today's CA felt pretty real, it was like there were cameras, warm bright lights hitting on us and evil cold stares from the journalists. I almost freaked out, BUT IT WAS COOOL I GUESSS, we did goooood i hope!!!

We finally got our broadcast done, filming was a bitch and carrying equipment and alll and THANK YOU BEIII for always carrying the camera, you're a real man in my heart :) editting was even bitchier, though it was simple... something so simple, things got so complex O___O had to keep re-saving stuffff. sighhh, but edmund was in a real good mood this week so, thank goodness for that kind old soul!!!!!!! plus CDs somemore!!! he gave us CDs!!!!!awwww

And radio!!!!! radio was another slut, ughhhhhhh recording and EDITTING + COMPILING O___O I could almost die. But! It was a group effort and all of us did it together and Iam so proud to have this CA done cause we did a freaking 1 hour radio show, 1 HOUR!!!! editting and recording for a 3min CA was already *@!(#(, and we a 1 hour one this time with jingles and sound effects!!!!! damn frigging awesome.

it's our last time slogging our guts out in DMC, I'm gonna miss that feeling, so so so soooo much.

Don't we all have dreams?

2010-08-27T23:54:00.004+08:00

A conversation I rmb I had with my dad

while we were watching animal planet

pa: wah i think those hosts like having alot of fun

me: do you wish you could have their job?

pa: yeah...

me: welll, i will work towards that, maybe you can see me next time on tv on animal planet, in africa or sth

pa: really? i would love to see that

me: yeah, i would love to make you see that too

2010-08-25T23:54:00.001+08:00

"Sure, we all have things we want to change, to improve about ourselves. But underneath the flesh and bone, you are an immortal and perfect soul. Always remember that."

Your stare

2010-08-24T13:26:00.006+08:00

Somehow I can never forget the way you look at me, I dont think you know it, cause you do it subconsciously.

Its like the time when you were sitting in front of me in class, and you would randomly turn your head around and just, stare at me, for no good reason when I asked you why. And when teacher made a joke and everyone laughed, you would always turn and see if i was laughing and you would laugh if i laughed, and if i didnt laugh you would ask me why, but the reason was obvious cause... it wasnt funny to me? Or the time when you were sitting beside me, and you stared me, with your mucus dripping down your nose cause you always had morning sinus and I would always have to give you tissue. During those times when we sat together, we hardly talked anyway, but i just know you were and still are a really good starer. And you would walk funnily and you would laugh really really loud and you were always the loud one. You were a smart boy, like, good in almost every subject and you had a really cute handwriting like a girl's.

but that night, you hardly laughed or smiled, maybe because i wasn't really a funny person or maybe, you know, we never understood each other. We grew and we changed. You have really big arms now, which remindsme of a pokemon, machoke, the one with really big arms. And you have ugly short hair, but i don't blame you, cause it wasnt your fault when you had to cut it in the army. But you were always cute and really nice teeth, I have always thought you were cute since day 1. But i kinda liked your company, even though we were silent at some points. And when you told me you have always thought i was pretty, it melted my heart. when you stared at me with your kinda stare again, I couldn't look into your eyes and you were so frustrated and said "LOOK INTO MY EYES!!!" and i laughed and you said "Ok maybe staring would be easier, stare at me." But I couldn't do it cause it would make me wannna mess up and rufffle your short bristle-ish hair and hug you and say OMG YOU ARE SOOO CUUUUUTE. And when i grow up, this will always be part of me, cause you;ve been in my life for a really long time.

To Marky, my beautiful flower

2010-08-23T12:25:00.002+08:00

Hello Marky, I dont know whether you will ever see this, maybe you would and I just wannna say it hurts me to see you like this and I really hope you're gonna be happy again and I dont know what else I could do to make things better but just be the happy crazy marky I used to know :(

2010-08-22T00:44:00.000+08:00

yanhan says:
ook...haha everything to you is stupid anyway

- says:
haha er no?
not you

something that made my night a little less colder :)

2010-08-21T15:03:00.002+08:00

i feel like everything's back on track now! i no longer need to think so hard, actually i dont know why i keep thinking so hard when i already knew the answer at the back of my mind, but i guess i was in self denial. Self denial mode is crazily scary, it's self destructive and it hurts. BUT ITS OK!!! i'm happpy, settled stufff, and i feeel brand new. i feel like myself again, the weird girl, i mean, the happy weird girl!!!!

PS, its ok if you dont understand what the hell i am writing, i just wanted to say,thats all. Life with good friends is really wonderful, and blessed.

2010-08-18T16:54:00.002+08:00

i finished toodle's first pack of 10 films alreday!!!! i heart toodle, though alot of money fly away, but i heart toodle

:X

2010-08-18T15:13:00.003+08:00

I feeel horrible. I probably didnt even sleeep last night, kept waking up to eat lozenges then drink water than go toilet then go back to sleeep then cough then drink more water then sleeeep then go toilet ITS A CYCLE, i hate sleeeping with a bad throat cause i know i wont sleep.

and i have got sooo muchhh to dooooooooooooo wish me luck i shalll try doing something

2010-08-16T15:14:00.002+08:00

I dont know why, but it just suddenly dawned upon me that, happinesss doesnt just fall from the sky, if you sit and wait stupidly for it to happen, you are never gonna be happy. You have to go..and..make it happen! like yeah!!!! k i know damn random

tonights gonna be awesome though i have a bad throat i dont care i am gonnna stufff myself sillly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday!

2010-08-13T22:27:00.002+08:00

i am an evil sloth, I dont even know how to start this... CIBM project that costs 35% of the overalll grade and it's an individual project!!!! and i have to solely depend on myself and i feel lost, cause theres sooo much to do and i have no idea on how to do it. oh wellll.

but I had a really fun dayyy yesterday!!! going out and alllll, so much fun that i had a throbbing headache, you know the kind of headache i always get when i get too overly excited and i have too much fun. oh! and i bought a new camera!! used my birthday money to get it, i kinda named it and it's called toodle. i have been wanting to get that for a really long time and I DONT KNOWWW I think its really cooool. :) i feeeel like my life is complete right now, for awhile. i am realllyy looking forward to monday!!! hanging out with flower and alll, it's gonna be fun :)

2010-08-05T21:00:00.003+08:00

OH WAIT!! I cant believe I forgot to blog that MY FINAL YEAR PROJECT IS OVER!!!!!!!!

for now... there's still a long report to write and post stupid stuff on the forum. I have been writing like a writing machine for this entire sem, writing writing writing and mooooreee writing! and then i realized i do like writing, but i dont think i can do it long term.. its really tiring and makes my brain feel empty.

and it's the final lap, FINAL LAP AFTER YOG BREAK!!! Gonna chiong like there's no tomorrow, and I am gonna be like, the number 1 tai ko student, and live up to my name of tai ko empress.

Home early

2010-08-05T16:09:00.002+08:00

Yay! I am home early, again, I really really like days like these. It feels like a friday, but it isn't a friday. ITS A THURSDAY!

I dont know why but i am itching to get a fujifilm instax mini!!!!! but that would also mean... my savings for the past few months, HAHahha i am a bad saver i know. i mean it's sooo coooool, but my love for something like this can be short, i dont knowww and me and sak were thinking of splitting the cost and sharing the cammera hahahhahahaha, oh wellllll. and who knows I might actually really get it like tmr or sth?!!?!?!? omg the sudden feeling of wanting to buy something really badly, I havent got that for a really long time.

and I am gg shopping w my sister tmr!!! i havent really got the time to go out w her since she's such a busy busy teacher. i am missing alot of ppl right now, you guys are on my mind... <3

2010-08-02T21:24:00.002+08:00

Today.... WE WENT TO SEE KATY PERRY!!!! at mediacorp, entertainment on 5! They showered soooo much love on her I swear, including this gigantic beautifuuuull cake someone made for her and she actually dunked the entire cake on some random boy in the audience lol. I feel sorry for that doode who spent hours and hours making it for her and in a split second, the cake was wasted and thrown on somerandom person.... BUT it was given to her and she could do anything to it I guessss!

we were given free gigantic pink sticky lollipops to wave in the air and some giant candy squishy wrapped in cellophine paper and pretty posters and we had to like wave them around like siao and screeeaaam!!!!! out of all the mediacorp visits i have been, this, is the besst BESTTT visit I ever had!!! she was such a cutie, very very cute!

then back to the boring stufff on FYP... oh welll.

Weird weather

2010-07-30T16:02:00.003+08:00

Since I am home early on a friday, I shall blog. I was suppose to go town and watch inception thenn things went awry and plans got screwed up and then was still suppose to go town but THE WEATHER SO FREAKING NICE?!?!??! aiya, come home sleeeeep. AND I SLEPT FOR A GOOOD TWO HOURS!!!! under my blankie and it was the most awesomest sleep ever. but I am going later still!!! it was a good decision to go home.

The weather has been reeaaaally weird. YESTERDAY WAS SO HOT AND SUNNY and today it was raining like mad and it was sooo coooold. I dont know why but I like the rainy weather better! But yeah, this week hasnt really been a good week so I am kinda determined to end today with a good note. wah, I dont really know what to say.. BUT I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO NEXT MONNNDAYYY!!!

and yesterday's test was really messed up, I TOTALLY DIDNT KNOW WHAT I WAS WRITING!!! My mind was like... O__________O aiyah whatever.

2010-07-28T23:06:00.002+08:00

You willl always be my lovely sistaaaaa babbyyyy and I WILL LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT!!! even if you leave the club cause you will be signing up for membership for the next club :)

Today initially started offf bad and shakey but I made it into a happier and sunnier day!!! :) 10 tako yaki and got double stamps, DOUBLE STAMPS ON THE CARD!! Yayyy I got so many stamps on the new card i feel like i can advance anytime. and we didn't use our old card to redeem the 10 piece CAUSE WE REMEMBER YOU BEI BAO!!! We'll never ever redeem the 10 piece without you, it iwll be against our morals if we ever did.

and then had FYP.. and then!! me and lainester went to hang outt at HV and had starbucks and they remade drinks for us even though we finished half cause it was tooo sweeet so we had like one and a half cup of drinks. awwwwwww, it was a nice day. :)

I SURVIVED ANOTHER WEEK

2010-07-23T21:15:00.003+08:00

wah so strange why last week so chillll ~ then this week is like HIOONNNNGGG already. :S rushing radio and broadcast. HANDLING QUITE OK-ISH!!!! gonna film at10am in the morning tmr, :S OMg, my achy shoulders form all the laptop carrying this week. :S

This week had been a really happening week. Just today alone, got quite alot happened already. We seen the extreme ugliness of people, which came from a balding, oily haired, short, fat lecturer. YES I AM STILLL MADDDDD just thinking about it. ok chilllllllllll. and running up and down and collecting filming equipment... and saw another kind of ugliness, which came from YET ANOTHER balding person, who is our dearest e______d. Why are bald people so angsty anal?!?!? I;ve learnt that sometimes when you say stuff to stand up for yourself or for someone, it doesn't always work.

AND THERES A FLYING COCKROACH IN MY ROOM NOW OMG WHYYYY FLYCOCKROACH SEASONNNNNNNNNNNN :(:(

2010-07-17T20:00:00.002+08:00

i hate it when my mom's friends come over, i just don't...like it. ><

saturday plans got cancelled.. and here I am stuck at home, which is not an entirely bad thing cause I realize i have got 2 assignments to complete by this week and we're gonnna film stufff this week.. :( I havent got anything done yet, as usual...

Yesterday was pretty awesome though! we went to watch the battle of the bands and Will Submit On Monday got third place!!!!!! then went to macs w tam and went home.

theres this radio show thing that I have to churn out by friday and ALL I COULD THINK OF was, the name of the show which would be called fruit shake and the DJs will be called lychee and atapchee, which most likely i woudnt be using it cause it sounds plain retarded, i wouldnt want to listen to such a show. is this the best you can think of yanhan?!?!?! from all the time you had today?!?!??! sigh.

HOLY CRAP ITS MY BIRTHDAY!!!

2010-07-15T23:12:00.004+08:00

Omggg I had the most awesome birthday everrr (i say that every year) BUT I only say that cause my birthday does get better each and every year!!!!! omg....

I am still int he midst of replying my facebook wall posts... SO TIRED NOW but i am super determined to thank every single one of them cause they were so sweet to even wish me in the first place!!!! < 3 Omg, hugs hugs hugs everyone!!!!!!!!!!!

ze clique, I cant express how much LOVE I have for you guys, i know eveyr single one of you was so tired from all the projects and alll, and yet you guys still thought so welll and planned everything so detailed!!!! ok i know my english not very goood but you all love me for that. THANK YOU THANK YOUUUU i had so much fun spending my special day w you, especially just playing monopoly and letting me win on purpose sak, awww!!!!!! the card, the pretty skirt and the VIRGIN EYE BROW THREADING appointment at browhaus... I DONNO WHAT TO SAAY BUT I LOVE Y'ALLL, so much love it's OVERFLOWING!!!!!!!!!

and meeting pris the bestfriend!!!! Omggg I haddd sooo muchhhh fun just catching up w you and stufffff even though i was dead tired and you were tired from work toooo BUT I LOVE YOU I SEEE YOU AGAIN ON SAT w jus and dax. I love you guys very muchys tooooooo < 3

/EDIT EDIT!!! and I < 3 my family suuuperr uberrr muchys toooo, Omg the delicioussss secret recipe chocolate cake and AND AND!!!! chilli crab dinner!!! I LOVE YOUUuu

thank you everyone who made this silly willy girl so freaking happy today, I am overwhelmed. :)

2010-07-12T19:15:00.002+08:00

Although we're not together w each other right now, but we're looking at the same skyyyy ~

HAHAHHAHAa just suddenly thought of something super cheeesy as I was sky watching. I hope you're doing gooood, lets talk again soon!!!

2010-07-11T21:08:00.002+08:00

YAYY SUNDAYS!!! I have a love/hate r/s w sundays, cause on sundays I feel my bestest and then... i know on sundays when i sleep, i will wake to monday.

Today we didnt go to grandma's cause papa's not in the city, soooo... we decided to just stay at home. I didn't do much but laaze around.. I was suppose to do my CIBM project, but i kinda lost the brief... sooooo.... I HAVENT DONE MY PART!!!! which I am not even slightly bothered about it.

I watched despicable me w my sister already!!it was disappointing. :( I DONNOOO I DIDNT laugh much and its always soooo eeaaasy to make me laugh. maybe cause the trailer had all the funny parts in it and I watched the trailer and i laughed at it already. oh welll.

i am recently pretty hooked on this show called Jon and Kate plus 8!!!! i love watching little kiddies, k i just sounded like a PAEDO BUT WHATEVER!!! they just brighten up my day... with their silly laughters and smiles and stupid things that they say. and its really sad cause the parents are going through a divorce and these 8 kids are still so little!!!! its just heart breaking, i kept crying at some points. :( Yeah, thats about it, all that's on my mind right now!

Plans

2010-07-09T14:58:00.002+08:00

I wish people would stop asking me about what I plan to do after poly, cause I really.. have no clue. Actually I do, I wannna follow the conventional route of going into a uni but somehow, the idea seems..bleeeeaak. I don't have a terrible GPA, but its not like I have a REALLLLY awesome GPA. Not a scholar, high flyer, president of a club... just an ordinary, ordinary, ORDINARY student.

Seems like I am left with these two semesters to pulll my socks up, but I am lacking motivation. Everyone around me is too, which..affects me even more. Schoool seems like a chore, my interest for something seems to come and go really quickly that..I stop liking something. The visit to Singapore Press Holdings yesterday made me feel like I have made the wrong decision again, the wrong decision of making my choice of internship too fast. I really would love to intern there, but now I am stuck with Moving Visuals. Butttt I never know, the thought of going into a really foreign place and not knowing anyone seems frightening, but exciting at the same time. I am ready to spreaaaaddd my super positive smiley happy vibes to new people and make new friends though!!! I'm looking forward to internship!!! Welll, ok, maybe it isnt so bad afteralll.

Then had a chit chat w my classmates on graduation holiday trips!!! I would loooove to go w them. I am gonna miss my class, we stuck w each other for 3 yearssss and I am reeeeeeeaaallly gonna miss every single one of them, I feel really blessed. Well, I LOVE EVERYONEEE from my cohort, they are like, the most awesome people I have met in my life so far. dead awesome.

Ppl who are still reading this blog, awwwww, I love you guys tooooooo. :)

2010-07-07T17:13:00.003+08:00

MY ANTI SOCIAL DAYS SEEM TO BE DRIFTING AWAY!!!!! I feeel like meeting tons of people now, i misss hanging out w tons of people !!! k it's 5.13 and I am at home and not schoool, ther emust be something wrong. I LOVE DAYS LIKE THESEEEEE

A really nice thing.. to do

2010-07-01T21:33:00.003+08:00

I went out w my pri school friends yesterday! IT WAS SUUUUUUUUUPER fun! we always have a lot of gooood laughing fun together. We had this crystal jade xiao long bao buffet and i ate 20 xiao long baos!?!?!?? and alot of other thingss... i don't know how i did that BUT I JUST DID IT. And I know I damn noob, but it was my first time eating at crystal jade!!! so embarrassing.. Hahaha. But I don't usually eat out cause i have an awesome father who cooks awesome foood, WHAT WOULD I DO WITHOUT YOU IN MY LIFE, PA???? : )

and then they treated me and sheryle to haagen daaz ice cream. It was kinda my first time eating haagen daaz ice cream too. Gosh, I feel like a village girl, never eaten at crystal jade and haagen daaz, but I know I am a really lucky girl cause I still got to eat them! I was soo tired on wednesday already, but meeting up w them totally didn't make me even more tired, strangely. I looove these girrlliess.

and today.. I REALLLYYYyy didn't want to come to schoool T___T But I dragged my asss outta bed and offf I went to schoooool for koid's class. AND then Public relations writing, sian to the max. and it was raining sooo heavily!! it was a mistake to wear my flippies and shorts, never knew the skyy would turn his back against me and my toes were like frozen chicken sticks. but lunch w sak was suuupperr shioook! ate at her fav. place, and wah up till now, still cant believe she paid 4.90 for that bowl of YONG TAU FOOO O____O damn those money scammmmeeerrrrrssssss. and then took a warm shower and pooof! under my blankie, with the raindrops pelting against my glass windows, soooooo shiiiooooook

Believe it or not, I still feel pretty anti-social though I don't show it. I liiike to sit at home and rolll in bed and open the fridge door when there's not alot of food I can find in there and roll around in bed and switching ont he fan and sit in front of it for 10 whole minutes. I am probably a 70% introvert and 30% extrovert? I am a true blue homey girlie!!!

What. a. day.

2010-06-28T21:47:00.002+08:00

TODAY'S MONDAY, meaning there's schoool today. SCHOOL STARTED ALREADY. : ( I realize I am becoming more vulgar lately, I do say out a few _____ sometimes, but I try to keep my mouth shut cause I don't want to make it a habit. And although my mouth is shut, my mind is like a running commentary of all the expletives I can think of in this world. This, is how ___ed up I am feeling about school. School's becoming a chore now, I can't... really describe the emotion I'm feeling right now it's like a mixture of ____ and ____. OMG SEE WHAT I MEAN

and this new teacher in charge of our Final Year Project is like?!?!?!??! _____ed up. wah once he starts talking hor... MAKES NO BLOODY SENSE AND UGHHhhhhH@!@!#!*(@#*(!@&*@!& waste our blooody time and so slow!!!!!! MAJOR. COMMUNICATION. BARRIERRRR. I'm sorry I know you're trying so hard but... it's not working. ITS NOT WORKING and I would never believe you worked in an advertising industry before?? are you seriously kidding me??? AND I AM GONNA SEEE HIS FACE AND ANOTHER SUBSTITUTE TEACHER'S FACE WHO REMINDS ME OF DIRTY SAND TOMORROW and who makes senselesss depthless remarks. _______. What a great epic project to end our last year in schoool.

BUTTT! I larve my friends. larve them to death. <3

teeheh

2010-06-24T19:49:00.003+08:00

K soo, I went to my internship place! I guess everything went well!!! I got the papers signed and everything.. just that I waited for 1 hour and practically stared into space just waiting for the person to be done with her meeting. O____O

But, the people were really hospitable still!!!I kinda made friends w a few interns there, but I think they will be gone by the time I go in. And now, I am just hoping wei rong can get the same internship w me then we can intern together >___< the convo w sak last night, made me think wehteer it was worth going through all these trouble just looking for an internship place, cause.. the places the school chooses wouldn't be.. that bad either right? But I feel quite stupid cause everyone knows their direction on where they want to go to, and I don't... Yeah! Maybe like wht sak said, it's fate way of helping this fickle pickle choose. Just gotta stay.. positive and bright and sunny!

it makes me happy knowing that tmr's friday, I thought today was friday. so that means... I have one more day before schoool starts which, I'm pretty much dreading it. and all the CA datelines screaming in our faces, and all the worries on what to eat for lunch come back.

Marky

2010-06-21T20:51:00.002+08:00

Today marky was back for awhile, so he toook tam tam and I in his car as usual and we went out!!!! to jurong point!!!! I think it's very fun to have a friend who drives, but at the same time, it's quite scary as welll cause somehow along the way, we'll always get lost... BUT WE DIDNT GET LOST TODAY!!! : )

and thanks marky for the treat and lift back home : ) It's been prolly 2+ months since we last met, and it still felt the same, like how it used to be 2+ months back. aand you haveta go abck again today!!! pls take care flower : )

Somehow, I feeel sleeepy today. I am gonna sleep early today.

Thoughts

2010-06-20T14:30:00.004+08:00

It's Sunday! And on sundays, I usually don't do anything. Today's another familiar sunday, just sitting here, thinking about stuffff. I haven't written in my spongebob orgnizer for a damn long time. I NEED TO UPDATE IT!!! and Idon't really have a splendid memory, all those dates for project meetups and hang outs...

I was thinking........ I wannna like go...drink coffee w my friends in the middle of the night and get caffeine drunk.. I think.. that would be quite awesome. and then fall asleep on someone's lap while waiting for a cab or sth.

and then I have this secret, that I secretly want to go out with YOU!!!!! I wanna I wanna skip around and do random things and laugh with you. But I dont know, I'm not very good w this... I might freak out and faint on the spot and die from a heart attack, or I might be... awkwardly boring, but will you mind WILL YOU MIND???

Justin's

2010-06-19T14:50:00.003+08:00

Omg, I forgot to blog about this!!! I met up w my sec sch friends on sunday, before I went for camp, to celebrate justin's birthday!!!! he had to do 19 stupid things before he could get his present. it was reaaalllyyyy fuuun!!! and pris kept treating me, i think she was in a good moood, paid for my gummy pigs and my happy lemon bubble tea!!!! thank youuu thank youuuu :)

Life after camp

2010-06-19T14:20:00.003+08:00

I still feeel like I haven't got sufficient rest. The day after camp ended, it was family day!!! We went out to have carl's junior for lunch at vivo, then kuishinbo buffet at jurong point for dinner. IT WAS MADNESSSS!!! food + yanhan = insane yanhan. eating at kuishinbo made me miss marky, even more!!! I MISS YOU MARKY!!!

Then I came back home soooo tired and allll, and fell asleeep quickly cause the next day it was... PROJECT DAY :( then woke up at like 8.30am to get ready and stufff... did project... then headed down to cityhalll to meeet the rest to chill at starbucks. (oh!!! before that amira treated me and sak to fried mars bars! thank you amira darling <3 ) YAY 30% DISCOUNT OFF MY CAFFEINE FIX, thanks to charsy : ) Java chip makes me go crazy and headachey but I still love it I don't know why???

and we talked about stufff and stuffff and then we went to pick pretty flowers for rambutan's concert, and ally belly and I named both of them, one gillian, the other emi. Concert was awwwweesoooomme, then after concert, something struck me (i think it was the caffeine thnig) and I went crazy, then we had mcdonalds for dinner and i feel awful. Awfully unhealthy. and then ally belly and I met wei liang on the way back home and he performed magic tricks for us. He was gooooooood. After he left, we had kinda like a deeep talk on the train, she talked to me about her intuition. It was intriguing and complex BUT SO TRUE!!! And I slept at 2 last night. and I dreamt that my name was changed to Nutella. and I feel mooody now, but yet so sattisfied. Well, life's like this.

Camp

2010-06-16T23:20:00.003+08:00

I'm back from camp! Yayyyy. Though I always feeel crapppy at the aftermath, it's kinda worth it. I was a camp group leader for the first time ever, and my assistant GL was wei yi!!!! He's a super nice guy, I never really got to know him until this time... though he always bullies me i still really like him and my group's pretty awesome!!! I love most of them... , if you know what i mean, but i really do! Very very sweet people.

and I love my bunk mateeessss!!! last night saw 2 girls, tammy and I going to bathe at 2.30am in the morning, in the freaking dark, cause tammy really really reallly really wanted to bathe and nobody else wanted to cause it was so late, but we were fearless (ok maybe not fearless), cause we were holding hands and singing songs super loudly in the toilet and on the way to the toilet. DAMN FARrrr and scary :( but what to do, I can't let my sister walk in the freaking dark and bathe alone right?!?!? I realize I like holding hands alot. I kept holding charsy's and tam's hands. and I hope char's leg is better!!!! I like the idea of washing hair in the sink.

Bunk mates like ramdan, wan ting, jia le ahhhh they're super niceee i swear. jia le is SUPER SUPER CUTE!!!! she's prolly the cutest girl i have ever seen in my life so far. and ramdan super sunshine boy, whenever i seee him, he's always smiling and making me laugh, he makes me smile. :) and other nice people who slogged through this camp altogether where everyone took care of each other. I finally got to talk to selene!!!!! i misss her so much from last camp.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CELESTTT, everyone stayed back up late just for her and got her a cake, that lucky lucky girl. <3 I reallly like this girl too, one of the sweetest girls I know. :)

I got to lie on this giant slide and loookat the stars at 10pm, they were sooo niiice. though i am a GL, i didnt really get to know the juniors still. but hey it's alright, i still got to meet and know nice people alot better. sorry this post not according to specific order, but in really random bits, but you know what i mean!!! :)

2010-06-16T22:34:00.001+08:00

I don't like it when people don't take me seriously. Especially when I do take them seriously, and respect them and try my hardest to be friendly and all.

2010-06-12T20:23:00.002+08:00

My hair has never felt soo good before. I have been following my sister's hair regime. Apple cidar rinse once a week, and marshmallow shampoo bar! My hair smells like.. my blankie.

Wah, I really dont know what to blog. K so I secured my internship at my aunt's friend's production company, called Moving Visuals. But somehow, I feel like they're not taking me seriously, or maybe I am thinking too much? I tried calling them yesterday to ask for more information, but like the person in charge is forever busy and I called them 3 times and that person is always not freeee : ( But oh welll.

I feel that recently, I just don't have much thoughts in my mind. Like, it's really hollow and I don't feel smart.

2010-06-08T17:50:00.002+08:00

Ok. so. it was a bad decision to stay at home today. BUT Ok, I had a choice. Go for a pointless lesson with some boring guest lecturer or stay at home. I rather stay at home. AND SOOO!!! I did. hahahha, and it was laaaame cause I went swimming and it was drizzling and it was rainy and colld... I know wth was i thinking?!?!?!?

but whatever la, I hope i became slightly fitter ?

2010-06-05T20:55:00.001+08:00

Welll, I've always been secretly thinking. How do you keep that smile going when you know deep inside you, everything is crumbling down and there's no one left for you, except for yourself?

You know we're all watching you, fake that front, and we're on the other hand, faking a front in front of you.

How much longer can you go on? Somehow, no one really cares. They just want to watch you fall. We've never been close. This, is the most superficial and sad thing I have ever seen.

2010-06-05T20:46:00.000+08:00

Even though we may not be very close now, but you know I still love you?

:(

2010-05-30T11:29:00.001+08:00

I dreamt that my.. pa died last night. Omg, I cried so much so much in my dream, that when I woke up, my eyes hurt but there were no tears.

The minute I woke up, I quickly ran into my parents' room to see if he was there, only mommy was sleeping soundly, he wasn't there. Tears started REALLY brimming my eyes, and I started to panic. then I smelt coffee.

Slowly, I tip toed to the kitchen cause I didn't want him to see me and know that I am awake, he was there! Making breakfast for everyone, as usual, like any other day. Oh shit, as I am typing this, tears are streaming down my cheeks. It was a really really heartbreaking nightmare, I never ever want to lose my pa. Never ever. Really scared the shit out of me. :'(

Our secret plan

2010-05-27T20:00:00.002+08:00

conversing w jit on microsoft word hhahah

We celebrating where?

I was thinking of in the train

Like a random RANDOM one

U cant light cake wawd

Uhm, maybe I leave first

Thenn

I take the train to clementi

Then wait for someone to cue me that the next train theya re in

Then I hop on to it

Then BY SURPRISE!! I will seee everyone

I will get everything done… by then

Maybe someone can go with me first

But then shd celebratw with the class 1st wad

Wei rong they all wanna come also

Like tag along

2010-05-27T18:20:00.002+08:00

Had QUIZNOsss for lunch today. After eating that, I realize how much subway sucks. this is goooooooooooooooooooooooood. (Y) and I realize I am pretty goood with surprises today!!!! happee birthday my baby : )

2010-05-26T20:15:00.002+08:00

Final year project is pretty screwed. Screwed project managed by stupid old saggy whiney demanding people, screwed project which our module coordinator just abandoned us today and left for her family problems instead (and I understand but still inevitably sad), screwed project which is making ALL OF US feel so unmotivated, and hopeless. I don't even feel a sense of optimism in this at all. : ( I really hope our batch of juniors don't have to go through this shit that all of us are going through now.

My father has something against those stupid old saggy whiney demanding lecturers and staff in my school. I have too. you guys suck. Nobody likes you alll. It's so terribly sad : (

2010-05-23T15:03:00.002+08:00

Alot of stuff were running through my mind. And yeah, I think I miss hanging out with you (you read this space) too! If only everything was like last time.. :/ I realize I stopped making time for people, and start coming up with excuses not to meet people, and it's deadly. Somehow, I like to be alone now and I like to stay at home alot, like watching tv and staring into space or the sky. Somehow I feel like I have lost a part of me, but I'm still me. you know what i mean?!?? Hopefully it's gonna be a passing phase...

and I made oreo cheesecake w my sista last night! IT IS DELISH!!!!!!!!! and my sista is in this crazy korean moood. Omg, she has caught it. SHE HAS CAUGHT THE KOREAN BUG.

2010-05-22T19:57:00.002+08:00

It was friday night and I went to ww's house cause he wanted to watch 500 days of summer. His youngest brother took a pillow and rested his head on my lap while I brushed his soft hair. It was a good, tiring friday night. Nice enough to end off the week. : )

2010-05-21T17:39:00.003+08:00

SO muchhh things to doooo, and yet I am not doing them. The only days I look forward to are tuesdays and fridays cause there's only one class for those days. But I lovee friday the most, I love radio classes man!!!! seriously. hanging out int he studio and recording sounds and scripts and stufff, and I love the radio class people.

oh!! and I'm in campus radio now and the YOG volunteer thingy!! I am really really quite psyched. I am gonna make year 3 really really really really REALLY epic